Chat with Rene

Rene Sat, Dec 8, 2007 at 4:37 PM
To: John
4:10 PM Rene: Hi!
  i'm listening to your story
4:11 PM 
4:14 PM it's cute!
 me: cool! what do you like most?
4:15 PM Rene: i like how you included yourself in the story
  i liked hearing from sarah about quitting her job as a reporter
4:16 PM me: did you like how roz needed to not hold the novel responsible for the things that happened as a result of writing and let it simply be a way to express herself?
4:17 PM did you like sarah's enthusasm at the end?
 Rene: um, i kind of missed that point (roz's)
 me: that's okay
 Rene: was there anything surprising in any of the interviews?
4:18 PM me: a few things. roz's life falling apart. sarah didn't think she wanted to be on the new york time's best seller's list, just to find a sympathetic audience.
4:20 PM I liked the sympathetic audience part, but cut it to give more advice and experience that others might draw from
 Rene: why does roz sound like she's in a cave/
  i don't think you adequately explain Roz's life fallign apart
 me: she was in london. I messed with the eq and I think I improved it, but we can try again
 Rene: i mean, you basically have this throwaway comment about it wrecking her marraige
 me: no I don't
 Rene: and her kids crying in the background
  and it's like, what??
4:21 PM me: yea. i like the detail of the kid. you kind of infer this.
 Rene: right, but here you have a nugget of conflict - of a story
  of her nanowrimo participation wrecking her marriage
  why don't you develop it?
 me: The one other thing that I wish I could have worked in was how much she traveled in writing the book.
4:22 PM I could. Maybe for B-side, where I don't have five minutes.
  I like how equitable this came out.
 Rene: no
 me: everyone was nearly equally represented -- and for good reasons
 Rene: five minutes should not be the constraining factor here
 me: it is though.
 Rene: you don't need to represent everyone equally
4:23 PM me: i know
 Rene: look, i think your story right now is okay - and maybe it's good enough for the podcast
 me: do you think i shoud focus only on Roz?
 Rene: but i think with a bit of polishing you can do better
  i don't know.
  i'm torn because your audio is very poor quality
  poor enough that you need to explain it
 me: thanks for seeing the potential in me
4:24 PM Rene: something akin to: i called roz smith in london. over an echoey internet connection, she told me X
 me: so maybe edit the way I wrote the trx
 Rene: edit the way you wrote the tracks?
 me: I thought you meant explain her situation?
 Rene: yeah
  you need to
 me: not the audio quality
 Rene: a) explain her life falling apart and nano wrecking her marraige
4:25 PM b) explain why the audio quality is so crappy
  and c)
  explain that she's a mother and has had to balance writing with her kids
 me: hmm.
4:26 PM okay. I'll try to improve the audio quality so I don't have to exlain it, and then see how I can write in the other two points without having to throw anything else out. Maybe just trimming a bit.
 Rene: your voicing is improving
 me: thanks!
4:27 PM Rene: well, there's quite a bit of trimming of the soundbites that needs tob e done
 me: I appreciate your input on this
 Rene: for instance
  with lisa - you open with her saying "uh"
  delete the uh!
 me: down with uhs!
 Rene: and then cut her off as soon as she says "might want to publish."
 me: I step on them!
 Rene: because that's a natural conclusion of the sentence.
  then YOU come back and explain how she quit her job to write
4:28 PM me: okay.
 Rene: why aren't you using people's last names?
 me: dunno
 Rene: also: You can’t introduce Sarah by saying, “how her family reacted to the news”. I mean, who is Sarah? You need to introduce her first and tell us she quit her job for NANowrimo, and explain that she’s a reporter.
4:29 PM me: alright. Looks like I'm going back to the script.
 Rene: You can’t repeat questions on tape that you didn’t get yourself asking the first time (which is what you did with sarah)
  --at the end of your story
4:30 PM if you have yourself on tape asking that DURING the interview with her, then you can use that tape. But you aren't supposed to go back and stage the question.
4:31 PM you there?
 me: oh really? why not stage it in the name of "voice"
  artistic freedom, I cry!
 Rene: well, i'm just saying it's not allowed
  i'm sure the nanowrimo podcast doesn't follow the same laws as npr/kjzz
4:32 PM me: I am being repressed!
  ;)
 Rene: oh brother
 me: just giving you grief
4:33 PM Rene: i still don't understand why you're not telling this story through a narrative
  i mean, you don't really have a "story"
  you have a pattern: ABC / ABC / ABC / ABC
  and i'm not sure why.
  you don't ever get to KNOW any of the characters this way
4:34 PM if there's one thing I wish I could talk you into, it would be unbraiding your story, as it is.
  and restructuring it -- so that you devote 1:30 to each person.
 me: I'll try it. I have some time.
  deadline is tomorrow night
4:35 PM Rene: ok.
  that way you can have a bit of character development.
  trust me - you do this, and it'll be MUCH better - right off the bat.
 me: huh.
 Rene: you can still keep yoruself as a thread running thru it all.
  i promise you.
4:36 PM me: do you have anything else you'ld like to add?
 Rene: um, no.
  have i said too much?
 me: do you want to meet at the dog park?
  no
 Rene: yes! let's.
 me: okay. drive home.
 Rene: ok -
  um, i shouldn't go to the dog park?
4:37 PM me: well, isn't home on the way?
 Rene: sort of.
  i mean, i could get ont he 202 to the 101 easy
  let's just meet there.
 me: okey dokey
 Rene: see you there!
 me: yay! ciao.
 Rene: bye bye