4:11 PM 4:14 PM it's cute!
me: cool! what do you like most?
4:15 PM Rene: i like how you included yourself in the story
i liked hearing from sarah about quitting her job as a reporter
4:16 PM me:
did you like how roz needed to not hold the novel responsible for the
things that happened as a result of writing and let it simply be a way
to express herself?
4:17 PM did you like sarah's enthusasm at the end?
Rene: um, i kind of missed that point (roz's)
me: that's okay
Rene: was there anything surprising in any of the interviews?
4:18 PM me:
a few things. roz's life falling apart. sarah didn't think she wanted
to be on the new york time's best seller's list, just to find a
sympathetic audience.
4:20 PM I liked the sympathetic audience part, but cut it to give more advice and experience that others might draw from
Rene: why does roz sound like she's in a cave/
i don't think you adequately explain Roz's life fallign apart
me: she was in london. I messed with the eq and I think I improved it, but we can try again
Rene: i mean, you basically have this throwaway comment about it wrecking her marraige
me: no I don't
Rene: and her kids crying in the background
and it's like, what??
4:21 PM me: yea. i like the detail of the kid. you kind of infer this.
Rene: right, but here you have a nugget of conflict - of a story
of her nanowrimo participation wrecking her marriage
why don't you develop it?
me: The one other thing that I wish I could have worked in was how much she traveled in writing the book.
4:22 PM I could. Maybe for B-side, where I don't have five minutes.
I like how equitable this came out.
Rene: no
me: everyone was nearly equally represented -- and for good reasons
Rene: five minutes should not be the constraining factor here
me: it is though.
Rene: you don't need to represent everyone equally
4:23 PM me: i know
Rene: look, i think your story right now is okay - and maybe it's good enough for the podcast
me: do you think i shoud focus only on Roz?
Rene: but i think with a bit of polishing you can do better
i don't know.
i'm torn because your audio is very poor quality
poor enough that you need to explain it
me: thanks for seeing the potential in me
4:24 PM Rene: something akin to: i called roz smith in london. over an echoey internet connection, she told me X
me: so maybe edit the way I wrote the trx
Rene: edit the way you wrote the tracks?
me: I thought you meant explain her situation?
Rene: yeah
you need to
me: not the audio quality
Rene: a) explain her life falling apart and nano wrecking her marraige
4:25 PM b) explain why the audio quality is so crappy
and c)
explain that she's a mother and has had to balance writing with her kids
me: hmm.
4:26 PM okay.
I'll try to improve the audio quality so I don't have to ex lain it,
and then see how I can write in the other two points without having to
throw anything else out. Maybe just trimming a bit.
Rene: your voicing is improving
me: thanks!
4:27 PM Rene: well, there's quite a bit of trimming of the soundbites that needs tob e done
me: I appreciate your input on this
Rene: for instance
with lisa - you open with her saying "uh"
delete the uh!
me: down with uhs!
Rene: and then cut her off as soon as she says "might want to publish."
me: I step on them!
Rene: because that's a natural conclusion of the sentence.
then YOU come back and explain how she quit her job to write
4:28 PM me: okay.
Rene: why aren't you using people's last names?
me: dunno
Rene:
also: You can�t introduce Sarah by saying, �how her family reacted to
the news�. I mean, who is Sarah? You need to introduce her first and
tell us she quit her job for NANowrimo, and explain that she�s a
reporter.
4:29 PM me: alright. Looks like I'm going back to the script.
Rene: You can�t repeat questions on tape that you didn�t get yourself asking the first time (which is what you did with sarah)
--at the end of your story
4:30 PM if
you have yourself on tape asking that DURING the interview with her,
then you can use that tape. But you aren't supposed to go back and
stage the question.
4:31 PM you there?
me: oh really? why not stage it in the name of "voice"
artistic freedom, I cry!
Rene: well, i'm just saying it's not allowed
i'm sure the nanowrimo podcast doesn't follow the same laws as npr/kjzz
4:32 PM me: I am being repressed!
;)
Rene: oh brother
me: just giving you grief
4:33 PM Rene: i still don't understand why you're not telling this story through a narrative
i mean, you don't really have a "story"
you have a pattern: ABC / ABC / ABC / ABC
and i'm not sure why.
you don't ever get to KNOW any of the characters this way
4:34 PM if there's one thing I wish I could talk you into, it would be unbraiding your story, as it is.
and restructuring it -- so that you devote 1:30 to each person.
me: I'll try it. I have some time.
deadline is tomorrow night
4:35 PM Rene: ok.
that way you can have a bit of character development.
trust me - you do this, and it'll be MUCH better - right off the bat.
me: huh.
Rene: you can still keep yoruself as a thread running thru it all.
i promise you.
4:36 PM me: do you have anything else you'ld like to add?
Rene: um, no.
have i said too much?
me: do you want to meet at the dog park?
no
Rene: yes! let's.
me: okay. drive home.
Rene: ok -
um, i shouldn't go to the dog park?
4:37 PM me: well, isn't home on the way?
Rene: sort of.
i mean, i could get ont he 202 to the 101 easy
let's just meet there.
me: okey dokey
Rene: see you there!
me: yay! ciao.
Rene: bye bye